To dream

In celebration of my first blog (well not my first really, but my first un-edited one) I had a bowl of soup, some apple juice, about 25 olives and some dark chocolate (80% cacao) from Peru. This is my idea of cooking. It is also all I could afford at the moment when I decided to stop at the grocery store. I have been living only on cash for the past 2.5 months - ever since I decided to declare bankruptcy. Not that I don't have money now - in fact, I have more money now than I ever have! I just only had $10 in cash when I went to the store. It is amazing how long your money will stick around if you don't have constant access to it. Not using debit or credit cards has curbed my spending enormously. Also - the stress and shame of declaring bankruptcy has me doing a very good job of managing my money. Let me clarify though that I don't think the bankruptcy is the stressful or shameful part. It was the part leading up to deciding to declare that was stressful and shameful. Now I feel an enormous load off, and a tremendous sense of completion.

I suppose you are wondering how I got to this point. Or, if you aren't you are busy assuming that I ran up my credit cards and couldn't afford to pay them off. It is much more exciting than that I promise. It involves taking pretty decent sized business risks by manufacturing in China and diversifying my business to involve real estate when I didn't have the cash flow to support that kind of expansion.

The money management system I am using is amazing. I always feel like there is so much. There is money for everything. The hard part is being disciplined enough to stick to it. Here is what I do: 40% necessities, 10% debt repayment(event though I have declared there are still people I would like to some day pay back), 10% fun, 10% financial freedom (towards things that will create passive income for me), 5% personal grooming and clothing (a girl needs money for shoes), 5% giving, 10% long term savings, 10% towards future business. I use only cash and don't spend the money unless I have it.

This is really not what I had intended to write about today. I do hope you will forgive me for using this space as a platform for some verbal diarrhea from time to time. So much of the rest of my life is censored - I really just need a place to let go (but want to do it in the public sphere for some odd reason). I journal - have been for years, but this is different. I am really looking forward to telling you my stories. I am happy that it is anonymous - not because I want to bash people, but because I don't want to put myself at risk for being bashed, AND mainly - I don't want anything I say to hurt anyone I love.

When I was about 15 I read my father's journal and it really hurt my feelings. We write what we feel in the moment. Not necessarily what we will continue to feel.

I just had a huge sneeze - best I have ever had! It must be the chocolate! Did you know that the chemical that is released in your body when you eat chocolate is the same one released when you have an orgasm? It is also the same chemical released when breast feeding, and when you sneeze. I always sneeze when I am horny. I also always have to take a shit when I go into a book store. Just thought I would throw that in there. I am going to have another square of chocolate.

I am going to go and explore this site now. Be well!